just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
