I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize