I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
