hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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