i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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