you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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