Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
