I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
