I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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