Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
