ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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