you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I lost the right to judge tonight
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
