No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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