just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
