I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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