OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
