I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
