Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
