Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
