he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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