I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize