Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
