i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
