you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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