somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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