Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
