after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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