All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
