so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
