OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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