i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
