I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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