How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
