did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
