Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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