I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need a beard to bite.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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