Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
