Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
