just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize