Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
