I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
