Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
