dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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