so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize