It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
