Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
