Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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