I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
