O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
