My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
