I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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