DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
