I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
no, he came in my armpit
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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