Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
