I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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