Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i think i just lost a toe
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
