I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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