I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so let's talk penis.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
