Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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