Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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