i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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