i don't like sucking hair
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
