I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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